hearme_roarr's Xanga

If I were invisible, then I could just watch you in your room.

Tue, 10 Nov 2009 03:30:46 GMT

It's one day to Chiangrai and there's a whirl of feelings in me, mostly happy though, but awfully lazy to pack and etc. Haha (: It's gonna be a great time I'm sure, but the preparation gets tiring. Haha. The past week or so has been spent preparing for Chiangrai, be it in games or dance. It's been awfully tiring but I'm sure that it'll pay off when we get there and see those innocent little faces happy and smiling while playing the games and watching us dance. It'll be really great and just imagining it makes me happy already :D And though the conditions there will not be as it's like here at home, I'm sure it'll all be worth it, and it will surely be a great learning experience. Used to getting what I need most of the time, things will be different for those 6 days over there. Ohwell.

Other than that, been spending time at church. Saturday was spent at Auntie Pris's house "working" for her. It can be called working, as we did WORK. And we got paid $50 (: Though I feel bad taking her money cos she's been so awesome to us all, and I would have gladly done it without her paying us, but ohwell. It was great fun though it was really tiring. Looking for specific letters among like millions of alphabet pasta kills your eyes man. Fixed up like 45 of the presents. And it is a pretty cool idea, simple, cheap and yet wonderfully beautiful (: The night of Saturday was spent at church for worship practice, missed Clarice's confirmation as a result and, dang man. Heard it was great. Aww man. Sunday was also spent at church, LPYM's gonna go through many many changes and it will be weird and different, but I'm sure LPYM will pull through. Which reminds me, I gotta check up on the stuff for p6 BBQ (:

I should go pack and find quality things to do till we leave tomorrow. Ohwell, 6am at Airport tomorrow. Ohgosh.

Peace Outt.

Sucking too hard on your lollipop, oh love's gonna get you down.

Wed, 04 Nov 2009 03:06:16 GMT

Day three of me being sick, and it suckzzz yo. Hate this like crap. I've been sleeping like mad and I'm just getting worser and worser everyday. First day was just a sore throat and a running nose. Second day the sore throat got worst, and so did the running nose, which ended up in one nose being blocked and one nose being runny. Today just got much worst, my sore throat is still here, I'm coughing and my nose is blocked and running at the same time. Lol. Wtf right. Haha. I gotta get well before Chiangrai, dang it. ): I've been getting sick a lot easier these days, I don't know how but I just do. I just hope I get better faster. The last time I got sick, I used up almost the whole box of tissue, and filled the dustbin, and got a dried up nose the next day. Like wth man, wth. At the rate I'm going, Idk whether I'm gonna get well, which i hope I am. OH WELL. And idk if there's any panadol at home ):

Dang I should go find stuff to do or at least try to get well. dang.

Peace Outt.

Running through the monsoon, beyond the clouds, where the rain won't hurt

Tue, 03 Nov 2009 12:10:20 GMT

These two days have been spent doing nothing much but going back to school to prepare for Chiangrai and etc. We got to know our group members and it was pretty dang cool. I'm in Faith, along with Pamela, Francesca, Natasha, Ping En, Diandra, Lynette, Etna and Sabrina. It's a pretty cool bunch of people, with high yet sane people. Haha. It'll surely be fun, along with Mrs Jeya as our teacher. As we were preparing, I finally realised how close Chiangrai was coming and how awesome it would be. Despite all the preparation being awfully hard, I'm sure we'll all pull through and it'll all work out in Chiangrai. I really want to help the kids over there who have so little, yet have so much, cos they're happy with what they have. And I truly believe that Chiangrai is going to be a chance for me to really let loose after a long stressful year, with awesome people to spend the 6days with and a great place, it's definitely gonna be outtaa this world (:

So basically, yesterday, went to school with Daniellle (: And when we got there, we just learnt Nut's dance, we're dancing to Thrilllllerr by Michael Jackson, the dance is really cool, but yet superz hard to learn, many steps which are complicated and fast. But we all had fun learning hm? Then after that was the HHF dance which I'm sure that we all remembered pretty well (: Then it was some stepping thing. It was fun, yet difficult. Then we started on the souvenirs, which are pretty dang cool. Haha. Some of us started on games, the charade cards. My thai ain't that bad alrighty. Wrote out a heck lot of thai, it's like drawing. Haha. I wonder how the kids do it EVERYDAY. It's like, crazy. Imagine when they do compos. O: So yea, then we lunched and came back and finished the cards up. Finished up at around 4ish (: And I got Papa's flu. Was feeling feverish, bad dripping nose and a sore throat. Gosh. Slept super early (for me la okay) 10.

Today was the same thing. Didn't meet up with Daniellllle though (: Papa and Mama sent me to school, was super early. Haha. So yea, then did the games again. Cut the ribbons, strings and the cards. And drew the cards for the tictactoe aka memory game, the one we played at Adv Camp (: Then we learnt Stelle's dance. Much easier and honestly, much for more fun (: Got it pretty easily but my feet ache now ): Haha. It was fun, brushed up on it and went back to practice Nut's dance. Was super tiring. But oh well, it's all for a good cause. So yea, then went to eat lunch. Ate tomyam banmian, and trust me, NEVER EAT SPICY TOMYAM BANMIAN when you're having a DAMN BAD SORE THROAT. It is effing painful, shiz man. I died. I finished my whole Sprite in like, 5mins and the ice, along with Jocelyn's and Diandra's ice and drink respectively. Thanks guys for offering me your food and drinks <3 So went back to school, finished up the memory game cards and then I was doing the word search thing, it is SUPER SIAN. Drawing lines etc. Gosh man, GOSH. Lol. Anyway, finished at around 5ish. My flu and sore throat got worst this morning despite 10hours of sleep. So much for sleep doing you good. Oh well.

I've got nothing planned these few days, I NEED CHIANGRAI to come soon (: And I need to go collect my malaria pills, by TOMORROW. Ohwell.

Peace Outt.

I'm here without you baby,

Sat, 31 Oct 2009 14:08:13 GMT

It's been a week since I blogged i think. Ohwell. I'm not sure. Lol. The holidays are here, but somehow it feels bittersweet. Holidays mean freedom and fun, yet we don't get to see our friends etc often. Except Chiangrai girls that is :D Well, either way, I'm looking forward to this long break. You know you're truly tired and going mad when you start jumping around Chinatown singing Billie Jean in Chinese. -.- And then you start falling asleep on your laptop while waiting for your Restaurant City to level up. I feel like a noob. Haha.

Ohwell, the last week of school was alright. Got back all my results and I am pretty dang disappointed in them. Dropped from second to seventh, but I'm proud of those who got the top six. Cos they've worked really hard (: Go you all.

Anyway, so other than results, it's been talks and other random things. Chiangrai girls have basically been trying to sell all the stock that we got from the kids and Sister over in Chiangrai, and we've also been just preparing for Chiangrai, learning our dance moves for our performance, planning games, gifts etc. It's been fun, and I'm really looking forward to it, like 11 days to Chiangrai Trip :D Although I'm sure it'll be tedious, but i'm sure we'll all do a great job in brightening the kids's lives up for those 6 days we are there, and I'm sure that we'll have lots of fun too, learning a lot of new things in the meantime.

Ohwell, the last day of the week was the highlight of the week. Cos despite 2-3 hours we spent in the hall for talks etc. Recess onwards was really what made the day a great one. It was just spent camwhoring and having crazy fun. Although camwhoring is just something retarded, it was fun. Spent doing stupid poses and all, linz and jellz doing their hollywood thing. HAHA. Fun. Pictures all posted by Linz and Cherie on fb (:

Worship Pract today was great too. Abour half the bs group was there. If I'm not wrong. Yea I think so. Irwin and Marcus were singing and playing the guitar respectively for the first time, Jiaen was singing and me PA. It was fun (: Despite the rain (: I fell down after Auntie Cindy did, and wet my asss. Lol. It was funny, everyone was having laughing spasms. Haha. Church is an awesome place, it's like my second home (:

Nothing much to post already, I should find some quality things to do during the holidays, two months! O:

Peace Outt.

Standing out in the rain, need to know if it's over, cos I won't leave you alone.

Sat, 24 Oct 2009 12:45:42 GMT

Wheee. My dad collected a whole stack of books to give to the poor kids in Cambodia, and my mum was looking through it just now, and I saw all my old books, which I loved to read with my mum when I was a kid. Memories started to flow back and when I flipped through the books, everything came back, and everything was just so familiar. Adam Pig. Haha, it was my favourite book, my mum used to read it to me (: I then started to think, how life'd be much easier if we were all kids, we'd be innocent, and even if bad stuff happened, we'd deal with it like kids. Maybe just cry over it a bit, and then it'd all be okay. We'd fight as kids and say, "I don't wanna be your friend anymore!" and the next day, we'd be like, "You can be my friend again". It was so simple and yet so complete. I miss the simplicity and that fullness that little kids often have. It's just so awesome isn't it? We'd get all the attention and all the love, and we would never know how harsh the world was. We'd never know what it was like to hurt from a breakup or to cry when a loved one died. Cos all this things would just be little things that we would cry over and then it'd be over. I miss the simplicity, will it ever come back? Nah.

Well, today was spent at home. Woke up at 11ish, mousehunt-ed. Haha. I'm truly an addict now, Ronza's here whutt, you can't blame me. Nothing productive done today. Just mousehunting, tv and just plain stoning. I should find productive things to do soon. OH YEA, I needa plan P6 BBQ for church, I should get down to it. Ohwell. Churchie tmr! :D Auntie Pris's house. Awesome ttm.

I need to stop being a Mh addict, haha :D

Peace Outt.

And when it just boils down to just me and you.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 13:38:05 GMT

I just told my parents about my results, yep that was what was so depressing about school today, I'm utterly disappointed in myself and so are my parents. I have nothing good to say about my results now and I honestly really am so disappointed in myself that I can't even find the tears to cry it all out. And I finally understand whatever my parents were trying to tell me now, each and every single word. I'm feeling so bad about myself now, I have nothing to say. I feel so crapped up now, it's just wtf. The feeling of this is just so, wtf, that I can't even find a way to describe how it feels. I just feel so disappointed, so so so, disappointed in myself now.

I'm sorry Daddy and Mummy, I'm sorry Daddy God, I'm sorry everyone.

I think I'm falling for you.

Fri, 23 Oct 2009 11:02:47 GMT

Tgif! Okay, yea actually this weekend ain't such a good weekend after all. Long stories and I don't wanna mention it. But today just ain't a good day and I shan't state why. Ohwellz. I just hope the weekend will get better (in time). Went to school today and it was just badddd, and baddddd and badddd all over again. Sigh. I think I'm getting the flu again, shizbling. Sniffing a heck lot today cos of the super cold aircon in the hall and then walking out of the hall into the super hot and humid environment can kill you, seriously. BLAH. Then coming home and then walking in and out of the room after a shower, from the super cold room and out into the super warm and humid house, oh well. Go me.

I often wonder how love is such an awesome thing and yet something that can tear you down so badly. I don't know but I just had random thoughts. I see couples everyday, old and young, sweet and bitter, happy and sad. I watch tv and see couples on tv (which aren't real but still, same thing), and wonder how they are able to make each other so happy and yet tear each other's worlds down by just a little thing they say or do. And I often wonder about the many different types of love. Love from God, Love from parents, Love from siblings, Love from friends and Love from a spouse/boyfriend. It's pretty cool sometimes. I often envy couples who always have each other, like in the movies, when this super sad part comes out and the girl starts crying, the guy often lends his shoulder to her to cry and lean on, or he'll just give her a peck on the forehead, ain't that just so sweet? (: Haha. And then I think of how couples break the hearts of each other, be it by breakups or just little things. How the worlds of each other can shatter into a thousand pieces with just one sentence, "Let's just be friends" or "I don't feel the same way about you anymore". And then I wonder how the love they shared, is just lost like that. I have friends that have dedicated months and maybe a year or two, to a significant other, just to watch the relationship go down the drain. It hurts a lot, for both parties most of the time. And then I think of why, things like that happen in the world. Isn't God always there? Doesn't he want the best for us? Doesn't he want us to be happy? I then move on to think of the love of families and parents. I see my parents and sisters everyday, without fail, unless my parents are overseas or etc. It's sometimes a joy yet sometimes a pain, as they maybe in a cranky mood, but it doesn't mean that we don't love each other. And sometimes, I think of when my parents used to hit me when I was young, when I didn't do my work or when me and my sisters fight. And I used to wonder, why? Is that called love? I see my friends almost everyday too, be it at school during the weekdays or tuition on fridays, or even church on sundays, and maybe sometimes my other friends. I then think of all the fun times we shared together. Like in school, during classes or just talking during recess and catching up. I don't see my other friends from other schools often, and that's why friendships always fade and eventually just disappear. I often think why friends have to be separated, when it'll obviously cause friendships to fade? Why did God allow us to become friends if the friendships were hard to maintain? I think of all these things a lot, almost everyday and wonder why, why why? I then stop to think that, God has a reason for everything and a reason for us to be here, and that everything has been worked out in his perfect plan. God is an awesome God, and an awesome Heavenly Father.

I feel so chimz now, haha :D

Peace Outt.

I write sins, not tragedies.

Thu, 22 Oct 2009 16:18:05 GMT

Oh well, these two days of break was pretty dang awesomez (: A good time to really cool off and get into the holiday mood, and yes, out of the EOY mood. The EOY mood is crapz. Oh well. So yea, these two days were basically just spent with family and friends.

Ystd was just like, I woke up at erm, 11ish 12. Mousehunt-ed (I am starting to get addicted), oh well. Ronza's here, you can't blame the world for getting excited. Lol. So yea, then had my lunch and then more mousehunt till late afternoon. Then went to the club to chilllz, Wii with my sister, she pwned me for a bit, but I pwned her back. Awesome :D It was fun, then just watched my mum etc swim, while I ate my nice sandwich :D Haha. It was good. Then nasi padang dinner! The curry was ftw man :D Haha, then home-ed and mousehunt-ed till I went to sleep :D

Today was awesome. Back to school for packing of clothes for the kiddies in Chiangrai, the clothes are the cutestttt. Haha :D But too bad, we don't get any. Aww man. Really looking forward to Chiangrai, it'll be an awesome experience, really <3 Packed till about 12, then Clarice, Janet, Joan and I went off to Cine to meet Linz for My Sister's Keeper. Was really hungry, spammed food. Gosh. The movie was great, super touching, but honestly, the book was much better, but to see it out in a movie, is pretty cool too. The retorts of the lawyer were awesome, serious. Like one was (I remember it vaguely),

Lawyer: So you think of the family? You think of Kate?
Sara: Yes, it's my responsibility.
Lawyer: So who cares for Anna?
Sara: "silence"
Lawyer: Nothing further.

AWESOME right :D

And another,

Sara: Do you honestly expect me to believe that you actually care about Anna?
Lawyer: I might just ask you the exact same thing.

NICE, I wanna be a lawyer just like him, 91% win rate! :D

It was really, heart wrenching to see the family like break apart slowly and see how Kate really suffered, but while watching it, though Kate was always supposed to be the main focus, it is true that Anna deserves some attention too, it's only right. Okay so she was a designer baby (not the rich designer type), born to save Kate, but still, she has her own rights. Oh well. It's sad. The ending was different from the book, Kate died instead. But it was still really heartwrenching, cried buckets, while the man next to me fell asleep and his phone kept ringing. -.- Hate those type of people. RAH. Then went shopping with Linz and Joan for their stuff, I was just tagging along. Haha. Saw dang a lot of IJ girls, and it IS true that you can tell an IJ girl from a whole crowd, really. Lol. Saw Jerm too! (: Hugged and yea. Haven't seen him for a bit. I miss all my friends, ohwell (:

Anyway, school tomorrow! I should run along to bed now!

Peace Outt.

Ignorance is my new best friend.

Wed, 21 Oct 2009 05:50:31 GMT

Exams are over and it feels great, to be free of all the stress that has been building up since Jan. I can't say I've done well for my exams this time but I can say that I've tried my best. Sleeping at 1am plusplus or 2am, so as to finish studying. Drinking coffee in the morning before going for my exams so as to not fall asleep. It's been utterly draining and crazy. Exams this year were in the hall and it was pretty cool (literally) actually. Yea, it was muchh quieter than normal, and the aircon actually was better than sweating in the classrooms, though the tension in the hall was much greater. With everyone just chionging to finish and you're down there, thinking of what to do, it gets pretty stressful. But it's over now and I honestly couldn't care more about exams now till the results come back, which is what I am not looking forward to and don't wanna think about now. I just hope that what I get is what I deserve and that it's not that bad. Ohwell.

Other than exams and all, my life's been pretty mundane. With just studying and study sessions with Daryl, Cheryl, Moses, Pearlyn and Jarrad. It was fun catching up with people yet having the chance to study together. I miss the old times a lot, when I think of how much we all have changed, it scares me sometimes. And in the end, I just hope that we don't lose whatever we had, the friendship, the closeness and all the memories. The holidays are coming and I am going to make use of that time, to catch up and to spend time with all those friends that I've neglected and all those friends that I treasure, I just hope that I have enough time.

And there's other things, like Chiangrai Mission Trip which is coming in less than a month, it's the one of the only things that kept me going during the exam period, other than support from friends and family, and also the stress of having to meet expectations. This trip is different from any of the other trips I've been on, it's a chance to really help those out there who need help, people out there, who don't have what we have. And it's awesome that I'm given a chance to help them. It's also a chance for us IJ girls to really bond together and I think it's gonna be a great trip. Preparation's starting soon and as the days to the trip come closer, everything just seems brighter. Though one thing about the trip is that we gotta get two vaccination jabs, flu and malaria. Oh well, the sacrifices we make for better things (:

Ohwell, that's pretty much all I have to say for now, and I just wanna thank all those awesome people out there who've been there to make this exam period, not that bad after all, I love you guys (:

Peace Outt.

Maybe, it's true that I can't live without you.

Fri, 02 Oct 2009 06:39:37 GMT

It's been like a month since I've updated and it practically cos I've been lazy or I've just been too occupied with myself. Oh well. Lots has been happening and sometimes I just don't wanna think about it but sometimes I have to, cos it's just a part of me. Exams are looming nearer and it's really, stressful sometimes. I honestly don't wanna think about it but still I have to and I have to study. Things to study, expectations to meet and just all that. The fear of failing to meet expectations just makes me go crazy sometimes but I just keep holding on cos I know I'll make it through. And when the end comes, everything will just be worth it, I hope. Nothing's ever easy but it doesn't mean we don't try. And I don't know why I'm feeling so emotional but oh well. And I'm talking so much, er. Idk.

I can't think of much to say, cos nothing much has changed. School, Church, Tuition and just basically life, it's been the same old for quite a while. Oh well. I probably won't update till end of the exams, but oh well.

All the best to everyone for EOYS, all the way people! :D

Peace Outt.