And the holidays are over, I'm having lots of mixed feelings about school. I want to go back and yet I don't. School means a loss of freedom and yet means being able to see your friends again. I've been totally wasting my holiday away with just totally slacking my dumb self almost everyday. But the holidays have been okay, not as bad as I expected. I went out more, I caught up more with old friends, I caught more movies and I did more meaningful things I hope.
I just hope school won't be so bad. And that I'll be able to revert back to the life I used to have when there was school. Most importantly, I have to get rid of my sleeping problem. I can't not sleep during school days la, I'm used to sleeping at like 5 plus 6 during the holidays and now that school requires me to be up at 6, I don't think I'll be able to revert back so fast. Unless I'm really drained, which I hope so. Like today, fell sick with a very bad sore throat on Wednesday or something, self-medicated and I'm okay now I guess. Came down with the flu two days ago and I'm self-medicating again and it's getting better. I haven't been so drained in a long time, today was just tiring I guess. Up at 8 to get ready for Church as I was on duty, been on duty for the past two weeks, last week and this week and am on duty this coming Sunday too, reached church at 8:35, waited for Pastor Lai, got the keys from Auntie Carol instead and then set up and run through with the rest, I would agree to a certain extent that Uncle Kim Meng was being very demanding but it's only cos he wants the best for all of us, though today I just wasn't in the right mood to accommodate his needs, cos I slept at 4 the night before and it was just 4hours of sleep and with a flu, not good. Haha. But I got through it and did pretty well I guess, he was satisfied. And though it was tiring, it was all for God and yea I was okay. I thought I wouldn't even be able to survive during BS cos I was so tired and just drifting in and out of sleep, even while walking. I need to look after myself more, HAHA. But yea, I try. A lot of stuff has been going through my mind during the holidays, so much that sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by everything that sometimes I just wanna go crazy one day and get it over and done with but life ain't so easy like that. And I've been drifting away from God, doubting him even sometimes, but he still spoke to me via the facbook app and I truly am sure that God is here for me cos of that one message and cos of the people around me that care. Just if you were interested, this is what the app from Facebook said,
"On this day of your life, Odelia, we believe God wants you to know... ... that doubt is the greatest gift, - it's the space between two certainties.
Any change on its way from one place of stability to the next one, passes through a period of doubt. Your old perspective has to disintegrate, and doubt comes in for a visit - even if only for a moment, before the new perspective takes root. Doubt is your greatest gift, because from doubt you can go anywhere."
It's called "God wants you to know..." and it gives you different messages everyday and it really does apply to my life often. So is doubt really bad for you? Idk, but I don't like people who doubt me, so yea. Trust is very important to me. And church has been good I guess, I enjoy the fellowship of the people around. (: Church refreshes me, even when I was practically dead today. I should go sleep soon, good luck to everyone for school tomorrow.
